Thapar! Now that I'm out... Le premier poste

There are people from Thapar you never met, or seldom ever... never talked or very seldom talked to.
These people who you feel a weird camaraderie with...

Acquaintances that never really turned into friendships...

Buckethead - Sail on Soothsayer by XEn 

Sure those friendships were something else entirely, but that's stuff for another, different post. This one, this post is about the people who you kind of knew, but really didn't...

It's a strangely comforting feeling that there are people like you in the world, hopeless romantics, repressed artists, people you think you would've been great friends with, but just weren't...

In Thapar I say, because I have a feeling that Thapar is a sort of place which (in my time atleast), attracted these people (not all mind you, but many)...these people who were always, in the true sense of the word, brilliant...brilliant as fuck.
Not the academic IIT kind of brilliant, nor the social LSR kind of brilliant, a very generic brilliance...
A very well rounded brilliance, if you will...

You all can relate with this post, you from Thapar who're reading this, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
A very repressed brilliance perhaps...

So okay, half the people I know in Thapar could've gone to an IIT, had we slaved for a few more months... So of course there were people there who were painfully aware of this and spent the next four years of their lives trying to desperately compensate for this fact. They compensated for this in various ways (including dating people from IITs...)
I'm not talking about these sorry fucks.

I'm talking about the people who made peace with the fact that this was where they were going to spend the next four years of their lives and they spent these four years being awesome as hell.
And they made those four years awesome.
In very different ways.
A very varied brilliance infact...

A brilliance that made a narcissistic man like me feel mediocre at times...
Only at times though...
I jest!

I'm talking about that amazing guitar player, that guy with the amazing voice, the girl who, when she danced silenced entire auditoriums... the football player who still trolls football forums not giving a fuck about what anyone says, the guy who got into microsoft and still had ten times more fun in four years than most people around him...that poetess, that guy who started out as a compensating could-be-IITian, but met wonderful people who made sure that when he left, there was no place in the entire world he would rather have spent the last four years in...
X-men who made entire hostels laugh and talk!
A very unusual brilliance...

These people, most of them you never really got to know, or not as well as you would have liked to.

But you share with them something sacred. You share with them years of shared experience, you share with them tradition. At the heart of it, you share with them a badge of honour!

It's a good feeling...
It's a hopeful feeling.

Her!

Her.

The word will lose meaning soon, I shall repeat it often. Her.

Her.

You know her. That one. Yeah.

Yeah, you remember that time you met her. What was that first conversation you had with her? God it was awkward! But it would turn into something so awesome so soon. You never knew!
Did you tell her? You were lucky if you did.
Or well, some of us were. The rest of us, we never told her.

Now, so many years later, we're so many years older.
Do you remember her?
Of course you do. You remember her, some days, or if you're one of the unlucky ones, you think of her everyday, that one bird you lost.
You smile when I call her that one 'bird'.

What have you become?
Are you the same man who fell in love with her? It's been so long. Do you even remember her?
Of course you do. You remember her, some days.

You have that song, you do!

Her.

And you listen to this song and you think about her.
Do you remember that time you met her? What was that first conversation you had with her?

What was the last conversation you had with her?
You remember that last conversation better than you remember the first one, don't you?

Do you remember she hurt you?
Now you do. Remember...

It's been years. It's fading, your memory of her. You don't remember her face. Like the rain, it falls and it washes away every day at a time.

Sometimes, as you plug in your earphones as you go to work/class in the morning, you think of her. As you're crossing the street, you think of her, crossing the street in the opposite direction, and you lock eyes, and you realise she misses you as much as you miss her.
But...
She's not really there, is she?

Yeah, but you don't remember her.

Plug in your earphones.
You know her. That one? Yeah...

Yeah, you remember the time you met her...

The answer to life, the universe and everything is 42

I consider myself to be a logical person.
I guess when your entire education has closely revolved around finding logical solutions to problems, there is little else you can hope to be.
I tend to look for meanings behind things, try to reconstruct scenarios, work out otherwise mundane stuff just because I can't help it.
I also can't help but come to the logical conclusion, that there is no meaning to it all, the grand question of life, the underlying principle of existence, the reason why we are all here. It is just not there. There is no grand solution, no profound answer, no meaning...and for all that 'great' people say, they are usually as lost as we always have been.

Also, as part of my continuing experiments with good music and my more emotional outbursts on this blog, I'm embedding this video here -

Press the play button, then pause it and let it buffer. I'll let you know when it would be best to play it, a bit further ahead. (Thanks for listening to a horrendously demanding writer, as somebody he's lucky to have reading what he spews).

Back on topic, Douglas Adams, author of the brilliant and awesomely comical 'The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy' had it right when he said that the smartest computer ever invented by any beings of the universe seemed to have calculated the answer to the ultimate question as '42'.
It is as coherent and as meaningful as an answer like this can possibly get.
I feel horribly frightened sometimes when I see people who I meet everyday, usually much older than I am, but with very little more insight into what it's all about! It confirms my recent belief that I might never find meaning in existence.

Oh, and you can play the video now, I guess. (It gets a bit loud near the end, so keep the volume sane.)

If it's all about getting ahead, getting the good degree, passing the right exam, bagging the perfect job - it has no meaning...
If it's all about finding the right person, having the cutest kids, living the perfect life - it never really happens. People are happy for a few years and then they either resign into a routine or break apart their families. Either way, it has no meaning...

The thing is, I don't think we can ever be happy with anything constant. We're wired to get bored. And there are some things you're just not allowed to get bored of.
You're not allowed to get bored of your wife, you're not allowed to get bored of your career, you're not allowed to get bored of sanity, you're not allowed to get bored of conformity, you're not allowed to get bored of normalcy.

I see some daily wage worker on the street. He's smoking a 'beedi'. He's smoking his death and staring out into nothingness.
He is not unaware of the fact that he is not rich. He is also not unaware of the fact that he will never be rich.
I see this daily wage worker smoking a 'beedi' staring out into nothingness and the trivialness of it all suddenly hits me. I could've been born him. And it's all fun and games to say, 'He could've made something of his life, or you could've made something of it were you born with his.'
Bullshit, that man's destiny was pretty much sealed the day he was born.
He is not unaware of the fact that if he dies a fraction more comfortable than he is now, he will have been immensely lucky.
And he'll still father seven kids before he dies. He knows more than any of us will ever know that life is a cruel fucking bitch. And he will still bring seven more sad souls into the world to live miserable lives.
Not miserable because of material reasons.
Miserable because that's the last laugh that life is going to have, I'm sure; she will, in your dying moments put on a wicked smile and say, 'Gotcha!'
'You had the perfect life, you had the cute kids, you earned your money, but man...I win!'
So if the result of the game is already fixed, where is the meaning in playing it, especially with rules that rarely even let us enjoy it.
In the current social construct of a good life, no one gets to have it.
I'm slowly venturing into the abstract now...
If it's such a game of dice, why are there even rules?
Rules favour players who follow them because the game rewards these players for not breaking them.

I want a better victory. I want a more complete and final triumph than any that I can get playing with these rules.

My victory will perhaps not be generally acknowledged to be one, but in my dying moments, when life finally reveals herself to me, I want a victory that ensures she'll smile and say, 'Well played.'

And then I will say to her, 'Well tried.'

Things that I have learnt...

In all honesty, this will be random...as it comes to me -

These things that I have learnt in my life...

• In every relationship, power is never in balance.
• The cons in choosing a diet coke over a normal one are far outweighed by the pros.
• Driving really slow is sometimes much more fun than driving really fast.
• Professors (all the faculty) in TU, their bark is almost always much worse than their bite. Never take unnecessary chances though.
• It never hurts to be on good terms with security guards. Even if it costs a hundred bucks a month.
• Never talk about a guy behind his back. Guys take it worse than girls. Girls expect it. Guys never do.
• Never tell a girl any secrets, unless you trust her enough to have her meet your parents intimately.
• Treasure blood relationships. In times of great turmoil and sadness, you inevitably think of them. Personally, I'm a single child, but some of the relationships I most treasure are first cousins, even if we talk very seldom.
• Guys make the best of friends, if you're a guy. They will never hurt you knowingly, you will never be jealous of their relationship with someone else, and you can always vent in front of them without them taking it personally.
• Guys make the best of friends, even if you're a girl. They will never want to hurt you, they will be jealous of all your other guy friends, making you feel good about yourself, and you can always vent in front of them without them taking it personally. Sure, there will always be a few of us, who will fall in love with you, leaving you with a difficult choice, but it's not our fault. Us guys, we're just built that way, I guess.
• Never trust someone when they say, 'Never leave me.' 
• Always trust someone when they say, 'I'll never leave you.'
• Always drive slow on narrow residential roads. You never know when an old lady on a scooty will come zooming down out of an open gate.
• If you think you're parked at an awkward angle, you are.
• Never offer to pay at a restaurant when with friends, with the idea that the rest will pay you back outside - you'll always end up paying a larger share.
• When buying a phone, or a computer, never believe friends' opinions, they are naturally biased because they have spent a lot of money on their own devices and will defend them to the ends of the earth. Trust only in neutral reviews online. GSMArena for phones, and CNet for everything else are good options.
• When angry, open up a word file, and write about the things that are making you angry. Make a list. Most things will seem inconsequential once you read them to yourself.
• In New Delhi, always stay on the left at traffic lights. (I guess everyone knows this, but thanks dad!)
• The night before a long trip, make a playlist of good songs you haven't heard in a long while. You won't even realize when you reach your destination.
• When in love, never let them know unless you know for sure that they're emotionally invested in you at least a little. It's the same for guys and for girls. Girls will run away scared if they're not, and guys will not take you seriously ever after unless they are not.
• Again, unless you're sure they're equally or more, emotionally invested in you than you are in them, never admit any feelings. It is just making it harder for yourself.
  Chances are, in an existing relationship, if you're developing feelings for the other person, the other person is too (unless of course, pardon my insensitivity, you're INCREDIBLY unattractive). So it makes little sense to put yourself out there, and be shot down. It makes much more sense, however, to let your relationship mature on it's own. Then act as it seems fit.
  Premature expression (like the other E-word) will kill a relationship in it's infancy.
• Guys, never let her know she's extremely important to you. You've already lost if you do; somehow females know this instinctively. We males don't. 
• (For lightening the suddenly somber mood...) Never fart when you have diarrhoea. It's just plain risky.
• A bit of light acoustic music when you're sad only fucking worsens matters. Listen to metal! Listen to misogynistic and dirty, ugly rock! You'll feel better.
• People who you've found you have good, interesting conversations with (it's usually about very esoteric topics, with these kind of people), never let them go. I once laughed about facebook's instagram acquisition with someone, and later that night I found myself thinking I couldn't possibly have that conversation ever again, with anyone else. It was an inexplicably wonderful feeling.
• A short drive alone, with just yourself never hurt anybody.
• A long, loud, crazy and decadent night of partying with tons of people never hurt anybody either.
• Your morning glory poo time is the best time to read the newspaper.
• A bad day is cured by a good long shower.
• A restaurant that serves a good 'keema naan with gravy' is one of the best restaurants in town, if only for that one thing.
• A McVeggie has considerably more calories than a McChicken. (Look it up, if you don't believe me.)
• Your conscience is not always correct.
• God is a concept we were brought up with. Had we been brought up with the concept of atheism, most of us would have been atheists. I, personally am not an atheist, but I believe that the concept of God should be one that is naturally arrived at, not instilled in childhood.
• In continuation of the previous idea, this is (to the best of my knowledge) an original quote, 'Spirituality fails where religion prospers.'
• Learn how to swim. (Even if you don't regularly swim, it's just better if you know how to than to not.)
• If you're less than 25, do not let anyone (read parents), force you to marry. Even if you're older than 25, the word force should come into play when making your decision.
• Travel. I know I want to. 
• Maintain good relationships with the opposite sex. It's unhealthy if you cannot.
• A person who is still friends with your 'ex', or your version of an 'ex', is definitely not still friends with you; whatever he/she might say. Do not trust these people. Diplomacy works only in politics, and good friendships have nothing to do with politics.
• Do not denounce something just because your parents did. Experience it yourself, and then decide what you want to do with it.
• If a relationship turns sour, never be the one who bad-mouths the other. If you do, you'll be the villain no matter what happened originally. Act dignified, even if it hurts you to do so. It'll pay in the long run.
• Do not pick fights. If you do happen to pick one, never back down.
• Experiment. You will never truly have lived unless you do. You will have lived only on others' advice and/or mistakes and/or triumphs. You will have been completely unoriginal.

Most of all -

• Never forsake your dreams.

For those who read this, I thank you...subscribe to this blog (the button is probably just to the right of where this post begins). I promise to only bother you with a post once a month.

Also, add your own learnings in the comments.
I would love to hear them.