Why I am afraid... of Death

Like everyone else, sometimes I question my longevity.

Not that I really want to question it, but as part of the human animal, sometimes I question the fact if I actually will live long enough to witness controllable fusion and all that stuff, you know?

Controllable fusion, bad example?

Okay.
No. Not a good way to begin a blog post.

Welcome to another post about life and its immediate incomprehensibility.

Sometimes I question the fact if I may actually live to see, being an almost general lay-person on the issue, a Grand Unified Theory of physics.
...I don't learn from mistakes, do I? Talk about bad examples, Grand Unified Theory?
But.
But doesn't it sadden you?
You might not live to see a GUT?


Dan Brown almost had you believe we had antimatter weaponised.
Wait, what?

But doesn't it sadden you that we might miss so many amazing things that might happen after we're done.

After we're done... I mean after we're done here... dead and all, you know?
I don't like to talk about it, that's how afraid I am.
No, not afraid of death per se. Afraid of what I might miss.

A manned mission to Mars that could even have happened when you and I were alive, I mean.

You know what, forget everything in the future for now.
Will you be alive long enough to read all the good literature that you want to?
Long enough to watch all the good films that you need to?
All the good music that you might have missed?

You know, stupid as it might seem, I'm sorry but I think precious few of us have ever been guided right as to the number of ways any of us could have led our lives.
There has always been a 'pattern-to-be-followed.'
In different forms everywhere across the world.

But what has prevailed is the easiest one of these patterns. Not the easiest one to follow, mind you, but the easiest one to end your life with. The easiest one to live your whole life through with the minimum trouble. It is the path of least resistance.
You will agree that it sounds the most obvious, the most intelligent option, and perhaps I agree almost whole-heartedly that it is!
It is the path where you educate yourself through some established, and more importantly licensed institutions, get a 'degree', a piece of paper that qualifies you for a profession you want. And you 'profess' it.

And then earn money to generally make sure all of your offspring do the exact same thing.
The exact same thing.
With a few details changed.
Usually.

But then sometimes it sounds genuinely absurd to me.
Because.
Because I think you miss so much along the way!

I have strayed from this path of least resistance, a few times in the last few years. And it has led to a lot of trouble most times. Usually in the form of disappointment of conventional expectations.
That, I can deal with.

But.
But it has also led to so many revelations. So many new experiences. So many new emotions.
So many immensely fulfilling experiences.

And having experienced a lot of these 'experiences', realising that perhaps in universally absolute terms they are few, I have become fearful.
Fearful of the fact that I might miss so many more.

I am more fearful of what I might miss of the human experience than I am of what I miss of the materialistic dream, of what I might miss of owning, of what I might miss of earning, of possessing. 

I'm not naive. I do realise that the only way to survive is to do something that earns you survival.

But yet I have always been skeptical of social constructs.
Social constructs like 'careers' or 'degrees' or even 'marriage' perhaps to an extent.
These are naught but feeble assurances of what is seemingly a 'good life' (another social construct).

Because with these constructs, you delegate so much of your life to people who have already lived theirs. You cease to be original even before you have tried to be. You are unoriginal and you are oblivious of it.
I have always entertained opinions like 'learn from others' mistakes.' But the fact remains that someone else's mistakes might not necessarily be mine.
I want to learn, yes, but not from mistakes, I want to learn from and build on success.

Even before you die, you miss so much that you could have experienced.

Why am I afraid of death?
Because of the things I still want to see.
Because of the things that I still want to experience other than the mundane and ordinary.

Why am I afraid of death?
Because I have yet to live.